Thursday, August 1

Shirts not to be worn by women wearing a standard brassiere:
one shoulder when one shoulder shirts are wrong anyway, and really I don't need to see that flimsy little strap pathetically hanging onto your exposed shoulder that looks all wrong and stupid like a bad shoulder anyway.
thin white shirt when the brassiere in question is of a bold or bright pastel color
scissor-cut tee-shirt when the person cutting clearly does not know how big the person wearing the shirt is, and if that person is one in the same, then they should stay home

Thursday, July 25

Songs to be played today at work that probably should not be played at work for various reasons:
"Just What I Needed" by the Cars
"Living in Paradise" by Elvis Costello
"No Fun" by the Stooges
"It's So Obvious" by Wire
"Oh Shit!" by the Buzzcocks
"Tentative Decisions" by Talking Heads
"Something Against You" by Pixies

Tuesday, July 23

Words I never need to hear again:
horn [When used in place of the word "phone."]
revenue
lineage [Is this even a word? It seem so much like signage, which is not a word, people. No matter how hard you try and how much you use it, signage will never be an actual, usable, real word. And fuck every dictionary that includes it.]

Monday, July 15

Subjects headers from some of the emails that have arrived since this morning:
[±€°í] °Ë»ö¿£Áø¿¡ 1À§·Î µî·Ï ºñ’‡6839099
Discount Medications.... FHFKO
Per. your request HI
Adult Passwords Here
From Russia with love
Is this unclaimed money yours?
Classified, be your own private eye
[Jessica] has sent you a webcam invitation!
an easy-to-install device saves you gas
Hello classics ! You're a WINNER
Free Skin

Friday, July 12

Reference books shelved above my desk:
Ad Sales: Winning Secrets of the Magazine Pros
Advertising for Love: How to Play the Personals
Getting Personal: Finding That Special Someone Through the Classifieds
How to Find Romance in the Personals: A Practical (and Funny) Guide to Advertising in the Personals
A Woman's Guide to Meeting Men: Finding Mr. Right
The Language of Love: The Semantics of Passion in Conversational English
The Perceptive I: A Personal Reader and Writer

Wednesday, July 3

Titles of episodes fromThis American Life that I have listened to in the first three days of my new job:
Somewhere in the Arabian Sea
Golden Calf
Other People's Mail
Office Politics

Monday, July 1

Things not found at the desk of my new job:
The well-over 1,000 emails that mysteriously disappeared from Outlook Express, and that are claimed to be somewhat important
A comfortable seating position
Things found at the desk of my new job:
A stamp that reads: "Opened in error. WE APOLOGIZE"
Five Ricola Honey-Herb flavored throat drops
Two sets of unused chopsticks
Tampax Satin Tampons (currently unknown quantity)
One half-filled box of business cards, not belonging to the person who had this desk before me, or to the person who had this desk before her
A plastic cup featuring many small bears and a moose doing amusing things, labeled "CANADA"